Men and Failure: Why Embracing It Changes Everything

Men and failure have a complicated relationship. You have been taught that failure means something is wrong with you. That the capable man gets things right, and when he does not, he hides it or moves past it as quickly as possible before anyone notices.

The result is a generation of capable men who are excellent at avoiding failure and very poor at learning from it. The men who move fastest are not the ones who fail least. They are the ones who fail better.

What Men and Failure Get Wrong

Most men spend enormous energy on the shame of failure and very little on the data. They are managing the emotional experience of having failed rather than examining what the failure is telling them. This is the natural result of growing up in an environment where failure was something to hide rather than something to learn from.

What a Different Relationship With Failure Looks Like

It looks like curiosity rather than shame. What happened? What did I not understand? What would I do differently? Those questions move you forward. The shame keeps you standing still.

The men who have changed their relationship with failure describe the same thing. They are not less careful. They are less afraid.

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