The Running Machine and the Cage: A Man’s Journey to Self-Worth

For so much of my life, I tied my worth to what I could achieve, provide, and how others saw me. My value felt like it was measured by external factors—whether I was meeting people’s expectations or how much I had in my bank account. And for a long time, I thought that was just how life was supposed to be.

But that way of living came at a cost—a cost I didn’t fully understand until it broke me. Looking back, I realise I spent years trapped in two distinct but equally destructive patterns: the running machine and the cage.

The running machine: always chasing, never arriving

When you’re on the running machine, life becomes about constant motion. You feel like you have to push harder, run faster, achieve more—because no matter what you accomplish, it never feels like enough.

For me, the running machine meant tying my self-worth to my financial success. I judged myself by what was in my bank account, by the roles and responsibilities I could take on, and by how much I could prove to others that I was capable. But here’s the thing about running on a treadmill: you never actually go anywhere.

The strain and fatigue crept in slowly at first—anxiety whispering that I was pushing too hard. But instead of slowing down, I ran faster. I told myself that if I just worked harder, I’d get ahead. I ignored the red flags: the mounting stress, the sleepless nights, and the poor decisions I made because I was running on empty.

By 2013, it all came crashing down. I was in South Korea, starting a new job after taking on more and more responsibilities in China. I was determined to prove myself, but the weight of it all finally broke me. I had a nervous breakdown. My body, my mind, and my spirit simply couldn’t keep up with the relentless pace I’d forced on myself.

The running machine had taken everything I had, and I didn’t know how to stop it.

The cage: trapped by fear and comfort

If the running machine is about doing too much, the cage is about doing too little. It’s the space where you feel stuck, safe, and stagnant. It’s warm and familiar, but it’s also suffocating.

For me, the cage was about being too afraid to rock the boat. I didn’t want to upset anyone, and I certainly didn’t want to face the discomfort of stepping into uncertainty. I ignored my own needs and allowed others to make decisions for me, convincing myself it was easier that way.

In my marriage, I stayed in that cage for far too long. It was unhealthy for both of us, but I was terrified of leaving. The fear of not coping, of not being strong enough, or of not being valuable without that relationship kept me locked in place.

Depression was there too, reminding me of the emptiness I felt, but I ignored it. I told myself I had no choice. I blamed circumstances, other people, anything but myself—because stepping out of the cage meant facing my fears and taking responsibility for my life.

But that’s the thing about cages: they feel safe until you realise they’re keeping you from truly living.

Breaking free: the moment everything changed

I’ll be honest—breaking free from both the running machine and the cage wasn’t easy. It didn’t happen overnight. It took years of self-reflection, mistakes, and small steps toward valuing myself for who I am, not for what I can do or how others see me.

I had to face the stories I’d been telling myself: You’re not good enough. You’ll fail if you stop. You’re not strong enough to handle this. And I had to challenge them.

I learned to set boundaries and stop saying yes to everything just to prove my worth. I learned to listen to my fears without letting them control me. I learned that stepping into uncertainty—whether it’s leaving a job, ending a relationship, or simply saying no—isn’t weakness. It’s strength.

Most importantly, I learned that my value doesn’t come from external factors. It comes from within.

Are you on the running machine or stuck in the cage?

Maybe you’re running as fast as you can, trying to meet everyone else’s expectations and wondering why it never feels like enough. Or maybe you’re stuck, avoiding responsibility because stepping out of your comfort zone feels too scary.

I’ve been in both places, and I can tell you this: you don’t have to stay there.

Breaking free starts with recognising the patterns that are holding you back. It’s about challenging the stories that tell you you’re not enough and taking the first step—no matter how small—toward living life on your own terms.

You are more than your achievements, and you are stronger than your fears. The running machine and the cage don’t define you. Only you can do that.

So, what’s your first step to breaking free?