Discovering Your True Self: Overcoming Outside Influences

As men, we often carry beliefs and behaviours that, deep down, we know aren’t truly ours. Recognizing that moment of realisation is a powerful step toward personal growth. It’s about understanding that much of what we believe and how we act is shaped by external forces—society, family, culture—not by our true selves. The question is: what parts of your identity are you holding onto that aren’t even yours to begin with?

From the moment we’re born, we’re exposed to programming and conditioning that shape who we are. Programming is like the deep-seated instructions we absorb from a young age, shaping our minds like software. We’re taught how to act, what to believe, and what’s expected of us. Conditioning, on the other hand, refers to the repeated patterns of behaviour that tie our actions to rewards or punishments. Over time, these patterns become so ingrained that we no longer question them, but they may not reflect who we really are.

Our beliefs are another major factor that influences us. They shape our worldview, and often, they’re inherited from our parents, teachers, friends, or the media. Think about how many of your beliefs were passed down or influenced by others. For example, maybe you were taught that success meant climbing the career ladder, but deep down, you feel unfulfilled by that path. Recognizing these borrowed beliefs is the first step to letting them go and creating space for beliefs that are truly yours.

So how do we begin to break free from these external influences and reconnect with who we really are? It starts with awareness. Ask yourself: What beliefs are truly mine? Where did they come from, and how have they shaped my decisions and actions? Questioning the origin of your beliefs is a crucial step in identifying the ones that no longer serve you.

Next, challenge the conditioning that’s been embedded in your life. Notice the habits and behaviours you’ve picked up that don’t align with your true self. These habits may have served you in the past, but now they might be holding you back. By acknowledging them, you can start to reset them and replace them with actions that reflect who you truly want to be.

Finally, restart your mind. Engage in activities that align with your true values. Surround yourself with people who support the real you, not the version others expect you to be. By creating an environment that nurtures authenticity, you can begin to rewrite your story and take ownership of your life.

It’s time to adopt the mindset, “It doesn’t belong to me,” and start shedding the layers of programming that no longer serve you. Personal growth is a journey, one that requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to release the old to make room for the new.

If you’re ready to move beyond conditioning and reclaim your authentic self, Rewired for Men is here to help. Join us to explore, reset, and rewrite the beliefs that are holding you back. It’s time to start living a life that’s fully yours.