Understanding Love: How Your Beliefs Shape Your Relationships as a Man

Ever stopped to think about how your beliefs about love were shaped? As men, we often carry unconscious programming that shapes how we experience love and relationships—affecting everything from how we connect with others to the expectations we have. Our early experiences and the world around us have a lasting impact on how we approach love, and understanding this can help you create healthier, more authentic connections.

The first place we learn about love is in our families. Whether it’s from watching how our parents loved each other or how we were treated as kids, these early interactions set the foundation for what we believe love should look like. If you grew up in a loving, supportive family, you probably have a healthy view of love. But if things were complicated—maybe there was tension, neglect, or conflict—it can shape your relationships in ways you don’t even realise.

We’re also bombarded with images of love from movies, TV, and social media. The perfect love story we see in rom-coms or Instagram feeds creates unrealistic ideals that can leave us feeling frustrated when reality doesn’t measure up. Love, portrayed as effortless and full of passion, can seem unattainable, leaving us wondering why we can’t reach that ideal.

Then there’s the influence of culture. Every culture has its own way of expressing love—whether it’s the "tough guy" image or the more emotionally open approach in others. These cultural norms shape how we show love, receive love, and even who we believe we should love.

Our social circles also play a big role in how we approach relationships. Whether it’s advice from friends or watching how others interact, peer influence shapes our expectations. The subtle pressures from those around us can make us believe that there’s a "right way" to love, and if our relationships don’t match those expectations, we can feel off-track.

Past relationships leave their mark, too. Whether you’ve had good, bad, or painful experiences, they shape how you approach future ones. If you’ve been hurt, it’s easy to become guarded and hesitant to open up. On the flip side, positive experiences can make you hopeful or set high expectations. Every relationship adds a layer to how you approach love going forward.

Education and religion also teach us how love should be expressed, and these influences stick with us long into adulthood. Whether we’re taught to love in a certain way or guided on who we’re allowed to love, these teachings affect everything from how we show affection to how we believe relationships should unfold.

Many men grow up believing that love should be perfect—like the fairy tales we were told as kids. But love isn’t about perfection. It’s about accepting the messiness and growth that comes with it. When you expect love to always be flawless, it sets you up for constant disappointment when reality falls short.

Another common belief is that love requires sacrifice—that you need to give up your happiness for someone else. This belief can trap you in unhealthy relationships, making you think that enduring pain is part of love. But love should be a partnership, not martyrdom. It should build you up, not drain you.

When you start to see love as a balanced, mutual partnership, you unlock the door to healthier relationships. Real love is about respect, trust, and shared growth—both partners supporting each other as equals. It’s about finding someone who challenges you and lifts you up, not someone who requires you to sacrifice yourself.

Understanding how your early programming and social conditioning shape your beliefs about love allows you to challenge those beliefs and reset them. This awareness gives you the power to approach love with clarity, set healthier expectations, and form stronger, more authentic connections.

If you're ready to break free from old patterns and redefine your approach to love, the Rewired for Men programme is here to help. In three transformative sessions, we’ll work together to reset your mental programming so you can approach love with a fresh perspective, confidence, and clarity. It's time to stop living by old beliefs and start creating the relationships you truly want.